Man made the mistake of giving themselves to the opposite sex for certain things, when in truth a man suppose to be strong not weak. Man putting their you know what inside what a woman has suppose to feel good is a mistake. And for something like that to happen in a certain way and the man likes it, to a women eyes, and her mind, that man is responsible for what has happen to him. That's when the mind games start from there. Defeat is being stressed out and weak; no power in the person. The same thing can happen to a female and that is the fucked up truth. I come to find out what a person likes is what makes them weak and it sucks to hear that shit, but if a man likes a female becase of her assets, looks and whatever special she has, only means a man more likely to be defeated one way or another when it comes to sex. It reduces the man to near what a special needs person is. I hate having to put this up here but it is the solid truth. And I'm sick and tired of going through the bullshit of this. Being in full power and full control is what you need to be in life in order to get the necessary things in life.
I know for a fact that someone of the oposite sex was to offer me a some sort of contract(relationship terms), I would just walk away from it because it's just not going to work out in my case. Mainly because of status that I am in. More security and power means that I can get away with actually doing something about most of my problems the only thing that seems to be clear now. For someone to tell me it's not, they're not supporting what I say, therefore I will not trust them.
Ok, I'm going to sum this up in a nutshell, when I was a kid I didn't know the meaning of responsibility, I was just living my life as a kid who didn't much of anything. There were some crushes with the opposite sex I had, but in the end they were nothing but obsessions, a mistake. Shit has happen that shouldn't of happen, but it's already too late. I put myself resonsible for most of the shit that I put myself into, no excuses, no bullshit. I understand it clearly now these people I have crossed me in my life the wrong way are nothing but pitiful losers.
One person to I believe fuck up that life I had more was my stepfather, but I understand what it is. she should of chose better. When he left on senoir year in high school, everything changed, the depression I had was gone and when I can back home(New York) I felt even stronger.
All I know is, I hunger for a higher place in life. Next year I'm going back to college to fix what has been done. My mom put me in this situation, now I must get out of it. I must stay strong.
Last night at work I felt a litte better after my b-day. I had to stay till 10:00pm because there was nobody else doing those cart but me. Then after my shift, I had to buy soda, cat food, and some bread. During my ride home, my mom told me that she almost got into a accident on the way to pick me. It seem like some dumb ass could not see the lines on the ground because it was foggy and he came close to hitting my mom with my young brother in the car. She had to turn out of the way to prevent collision. Other than that, she told me that she could not get off for next week because her boss would not allow it. Here's where the problem starts, I have to begin college on that following week. My mom said I have 2 options, 1; wait till January to start college. No way in hell am I accepting that option. Option 2, tell my instructors about my problem and let them know. I have to do that then, but I'm afraid that there may be another problem from that issue. It's worth a try though and it hope it goes through. well, wish me luck.
The last 2 day I had to wait for a fucking Cab. Sunday was a whopping 1 hour and 25 minutes. Monday was about almost an half hour. Damn Jews, They're the reason why I'm not getting a cab. I've seen most of them walking in the sidewalks and around my job. Dealing with them is a pain, but I got to admit, some of the female jews look kind of cute. They would look a lot more better if they were wearing normal clothes like we wear. Other than that, my schedule was fucked up. I'm not suppose to work on Sat, instead they got me off for TODAY. I'm calling out on that Sat. I blame them for my loss of money for this week. I'm set for tomorrow, I hope everything goes well tomorrow.
I'm running low on moola because I have to save like $35 for this week to add more money to it so it can add up to $75. That will be how much I pay for a deposit to claim my spot for college fall 2007 of this year. I almost reached my goal on completing all of the stuff I need to do to start off college. Other than that subject, I had brought a present 2 weeks ago which is now Michelle's birthday present, she was very happy to get it. Kaylee, I'll have your present on Saturday because of my low budget thing, it's gonna be late, but you'll get one. Crystal's Birthday is this month as well, but I don't know what day it is, shoot. If I knew, I would get her a present as well. I'm planning to get a flash drive soon. There are some on sale this week. That will do me some good with storing my files. I gonna have to get some rest tonight, tomorrow is going to be a busy afternoon at work for me.
Been a while since I updated but you know now that I'm still alive, lol. This past week I've been seeing a whole lot of Spider-man trailers and the latest one amazed me. I plan to go see it when it comes out, but I would really like to see it on I-MAX. If it's not possible, then I'll go see it at the regular movie theater, psst. Other than that, I've been feeling a little weak yesterday when I was working. I thought about what TJ said about being single. I don't feel happy right now about that. He's happy about it, but I'm not. The only way that I can accept it is being in a actual relationship for a long period of time. That is probably the best way I can think of doing it. I'll be in college very soon so I'll see what happens from there. I'm thinking about a bachelors degree, but I would have to go to a 4 year college, which I will do soon. I'm going to be in a two year college first. I'm glad that my best friend will be there. It'll take less of the boredom of things. I'm going to do something that I don't usually do at a regular basis, I'm going to be less quiet. I'm going to talk to people more and meet new friends. I promise not to be tempted into any drugs or drinking to that matter, I don't do neither. If I get asked out, I'll make sure that she's not crazy first. I just want to be clear on that. I don't want to end up suffering like my friend did when he was dating a py . . . . . . . . ummmmm, No comment.