Something I learned but known a long time ago
Man made the mistake of giving themselves to the opposite sex for certain things, when in truth a man suppose to be strong not weak. Man putting their you know what inside what a woman has suppose to feel good is a mistake. And for something like that to happen in a certain way and the man likes it, to a women eyes, and her mind, that man is responsible for what has happen to him. That's when the mind games start from there. Defeat is being stressed out and weak; no power in the person. The same thing can happen to a female and that is the fucked up truth. I come to find out what a person likes is what makes them weak and it sucks to hear that shit, but if a man likes a female becase of her assets, looks and whatever special she has, only means a man more likely to be defeated one way or another when it comes to sex. It reduces the man to near what a special needs person is. I hate having to put this up here but it is the solid truth. And I'm sick and tired of going through the bullshit of this. Being in full power and full control is what you need to be in life in order to get the necessary things in life.
I know for a fact that someone of the oposite sex was to offer me a some sort of contract(relationship terms), I would just walk away from it because it's just not going to work out in my case. Mainly because of status that I am in. More security and power means that I can get away with actually doing something about most of my problems the only thing that seems to be clear now. For someone to tell me it's not, they're not supporting what I say, therefore I will not trust them.
Ok, I'm going to sum this up in a nutshell, when I was a kid I didn't know the meaning of responsibility, I was just living my life as a kid who didn't much of anything. There were some crushes with the opposite sex I had, but in the end they were nothing but obsessions, a mistake. Shit has happen that shouldn't of happen, but it's already too late. I put myself resonsible for most of the shit that I put myself into, no excuses, no bullshit. I understand it clearly now these people I have crossed me in my life the wrong way are nothing but pitiful losers.
One person to I believe fuck up that life I had more was my stepfather, but I understand what it is. she should of chose better. When he left on senoir year in high school, everything changed, the depression I had was gone and when I can back home(New York) I felt even stronger.
All I know is, I hunger for a higher place in life. Next year I'm going back to college to fix what has been done. My mom put me in this situation, now I must get out of it. I must stay strong.